As a millennial, I have found myself scrolling endlessly though TikTok in my free time recently. One video has really stuck with my. This girl was explaining how if her 13 year old self walked past her current self, her younger self would think she looked really cool.
This got me thinking about what my 13 year old self would think about my 26 year self. Sure she would think “Cool, this girl lives in NYC and wears fun outfits and has colorful hair!” but if the two were able to have a conversation, the 13 year old would be highly disappointed after having such high hopes for her future self. This is not to say that I have a disappointing life, but wow did I have high expectations for my 20s in my teen years.
Is it the movies that tricks us into thinking that our 20s are the best years of our lives? My big dreaming self was sure that by 26 I should be the CEO of my own company, married, and already thinking about having babies. Some people my age are there already, but I am on my 3rd attempt at a career and feeling more lost than ever.
This brings me to my next thought- maybe the life I am living right now will be the concrete foundation that will be setting me up to look back when I am 50 to be proud of where these blocks have raised me up to be. Up to this moment, every decision I have made has brought me a unique perspective that I never expected. I am so far from where I expected to be, but I have also experienced more than I ever thought possible.
I hope that at 50 I can look back at this post (as well as the countless other notes in my phone that go unpublished) and see that without being where I am today, I could have never become whatever it is that I will be at the time. If you had asked me at 13 what my life would be like at 50 I could have given you the most beautiful life description. If you ask me now, my genuine answer would be that I have no idea.
Thanks to this pandemic we don’t know what tomorrow will look like, but even after this I know that life could go a million different ways. Whatever happens, I am excited to see what unfolds.
Photos: Photo Mckay
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